23.02 WIB, 22 Februari 2015.

Tepat berusia 20 tahun 12 jam

Less than 24 hours

I'm turning 20 tomorrow. Yes, that big 20. Yes, I'm freaking out. Despite the fact that my assignment(s) due two days from now (and I'm far from done), it's actually driving me mad.

And sad.

It would be my 2nd birthday of being away from home. I don't mind it last year. I was organizing a big event which was actually so much fun that I don't even care. It's different now. I haven't got home for...6 weeks, I guess? This semester gets me. It's only been 5 weeks, but it already got me. 11 credits of studio is really pain in...literally everything. And responsibility here and there.

However, I actually am proud of myself. I can resist myself of not going home, of rejecting my parents to visit me on my birthday, of not going outside (yes, been in the room for more than 24 hours, doing those studio assignments). I'm sad. So much. But...I guess it's life. Eventually you have no one to depend on but yourself.

Surat

Hai, B.

Lagi-lagi untaian kata yang tak mampu ku sampaikan. Maaf ya. Selalu bingung sesungguhnya. Aku selalu merasa harus jujur pada diri sendiri. Pada dirimu, khususnya. Akan apa yang aku rasakan, akan apa yang aku pikirkan. Tapi aku tahu, mungkin aku akan mengganggu pikiranmu atau bahkan menyakitimu. Jadi, hanya berakhir di sini. Aku selalu berpikir aku mengenalmu. Ya, secara harfiah, aku memang mengenalmu. Tapi dalam banyak situasi, sulit sekali membacamu. Seakan kau adalah aksara baru yang tak pernah kulihat. Jadi, ya begini saja lah. Aku pergi, ya. Kaki ini rasanya sudah terlalu lelah untuk berdiri, atau pun jalan mundur. 

B, again.

You're one of those reasons of why I hate feeling. 

Also, I hate missing you. B.